What would you do without them???

Friends.  Family.  Life would be pointless without them.  Let's set aside any and all religious/spiritual views and look at just the core of a man: emotion.  Do you remember how it feels when, out of the blue, someone you care about shows you they care about you?  When that person you love does something to show that they are thinking of you?  Do you remember that sensation?  The increase in your heart beat, a swelling in your stomach.  Now, think about a period when that didn't happen.  Can you see the difference...I can.  How often would we accomplish our goals without the support of those who care enough about us to urge us on, even in the face of great opposition?  What would be the point of having all the money in the world if it cost you the world...Can you remember how if felt to spend a ridiculous amount of money on someone and not even care...because their smile lit up your world.  The reason those moments are so powerful and so important, at least to me, is because for that moment you forget entirely about your problems.  They disappear entirely.  It's literally as though a weight is lifted from your shoulders.  Your body is happy, in the sense that it feels good, the way it wants to feel...it's literally healthy to feel happy.  Stress can cause many aches and pains physically on the body.
Now...let's flip the coin.  Think of all this you have read, and apply it to others.  What you remember of how you feel...that is how others feel when you do things for them to show them that to you they are special.  I loved getting surprises from that "special" person, but it was nothing like seeing her face light up when I did something.  I really felt like I would do anything just to see her smile.  I guess that could kind of be a rule of life when it comes to those that you really, truly care about...that when they are happy you are happy.  So if you want to be happy, make them happy.
I love my family more than anything and my brother, Ryan, is my closest friend.  The thought of him getting hurt makes me dizzy as if I were to faint.  I would take a bullet for him without hesitating.  But the best part is, he knows it.  Being brothers we obviously don't talk to each other like that...but it's an unspoken knowledge.  I wouldn't be who I am or where I am without him.  I feel as if I would give up my happiness to make him happy.  And that is a big part of what makes my life feel complete, whole.  I would, of course, do any of these things for any one of my family members, but there is strong connection between us. 
So, what am I trying to say with all of this?  I guess what I am trying to say is that others make our life but that depends on us.

Express Yourself

I have found that life is constantly changing, you can never exactly predict the outcome of others choices, for these choices are made, normally, without your knowledge.  A "goodbye" can come without warning, or a "hello".  One word can change the rest of your life, forever.  It's happened to me.  I'm sure if it hasn't happened to you, it will.  So, how did I cope?  I expressed myself.  Why?  I believe that the less you hold inside, the less internal damage will be done.  But I had to learn this the hard way.  That one word, "goodbye", I did not expect.  It took me a long time to learn that expressing myself actually helped heal the pain and to ready myself for the hoped for "hello".  How you express yourself is your own journey to find out.  When you express yourself you understand better exactly how you feel and come to learn how to deal with it.  How did I do it?  Poetry.


A Healing Torture
The wounds too old it should be gone,
my life's becoming an unhappy song;
the same ups and downs are getting old,
the warmth of my heart is growing cold;
You burn my memories and my dreams invade,
to end this pain, my heart, i'd trade;
A new one came but far from mine,
that which I need, but can't, is time;
The shining through is a saving light,
it shines so bright to end my night;

That poem is about pain but eventually of hope of a new light.  This next poem is one that helped me understand exactly how I felt, which I needed to understand to be able to cope and move on.  It's not a "hope" poem but one of understanding the pain.

Crumbling
I drive away but the wall breaks down,
you can almost hear it fall to the ground,
and though, I know, you've already forgotten,
I hid a reminder you use too often.
And though you go on while I stay back,
and of my grief the Devil laughs,
but from the laughter comes the pain,
as, from the Heavens, it starts to rain.
Though the water can smooth the rock,
the constant beating engraves the shock.
And from the words I sent to you,
you tell me that which I should do.
Without the words written I still understand,
without you here I still take your hand.
Before the fall they tried to warn me,
but I rejected the parachute they were offering.
Deceptively bitter, I'm now free falling,
because I chose not to heed the calling.
And though it dulls with the pass of time...
time has no place in the frozen mind.